dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
