We're like a lot better than the average bears
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
