Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize