How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
