who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize