i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
