a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
