yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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