About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
