What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
