Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
