Swine flu. Run for my life!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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