Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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