neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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