You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
