i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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