Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
