I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
