I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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