Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
