i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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