i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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