Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Enjoy the penises
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
