Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
