Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize