Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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