Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
