Just cropdusted the office
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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