i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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