1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
