her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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