I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
