can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
