I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
