Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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