If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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