Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
