I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
