alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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