Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
