don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize