Sry I called you an 8
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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