There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize