Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
