My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize