i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
