if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Randomize
