You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
