you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
