paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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