I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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