"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
