Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
