we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
