Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
