one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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