She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
