So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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