Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm always down for nudity.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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