oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
