Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
