you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
