So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
