Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
