My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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