you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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