i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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