whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
