So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
